cancer

i hate chemo, and how it makes us bald. i hate when we're bald from chemo it's hard to pretend we're not bald from chemo. why is cancer winning?  my friend’s father had brain cancer and was at hospice when she gave him this marijuana tincture. he's alive today- and cancer free. have you heard of this? it's not mainstream. it's not the science your doc can talk about. it’s not their fault. they're burned out, like everyone else. we're a culture of followers, plugged into fear. how can we learn new things when the kardashian drama is so intriguing and twitter wars dominate the universe? 

i was told i had cancer once. I wasn't scared of cancer. i was scared of the treatment. i'd been trained to never trust myself, or my body, but that all changed, because of that last mammo - the mammo i'd been putting off forever because i knew they'd find something! how did i know? that's their job. who else makes a living slicing and dicing and radiating? there we were, a revolving door of stoic women, frozen in faded, cotton gowns, surrounded by glossy magazines, waiting for a new set of hands sheathed in plastic to marinate and pull our tender breast tissue and cram them into a vise.

mr. radiologist, who clearly hadn't slept in a week, and is young enough to be my child, walked in afterward and said, “well, it looks like cancer.” ...panic starts with a catch in the breath, followed by a tsunami of cortisol. if i didn’t have cancer before, this might seal the deal. cortisol is now scurrying around my body like a rabbit, bounding into every cell it can find. what happened to the good ol' days? maybe try this script instead:

hello miss, how’s the fam? i see you're meditating and doing yoga. the kids? good! the boyfriend? what? an asshole? it seems a lot of you ladies here are with assholes. he scratches his stubbly cheek. do you think that has anything to do with why you're all getting breast cancer?

post script: to those who worried I had cancer. 

I may, or may not have. In my opinion, cancer cells come and go. they randomly set up shop and if our body's able, we nix it. if you have a test at the moment cancer cells are around, well- that's when the docs yell cancer. in my case, away it went, with no intervention but my concern and attention.